00:00 is "12:00 pm" in Germany, and I saw it as a sign.

If the clock can restart at the end of the day, whos to say I cant change in the beginning of this new year?

I saw it as a restart to a new year, a new life, a new anything I want it to be.

Last year was filled with its mix of heaven and hell, but im hoping to make this year stand out more than any year that ever has in my lifetime.

The party I went to was just absolutely amazing. Everyone was dressed in suits and dresses and looked gorgeous. I really felt great.

The people were happy, partying, the music was great to dance two, and I had my two absolute favorite people there with me.

Dancing, sharing wine, having a great time as the clock counted down. And among all the party and happy people, i couldnt help to think about the year finally coming to an end, all the faces i said goodbye to and all the memories ive shared with complete strangers.

I mean, ive dont the most beautiful things that i feel im not even worthy of doing.

Tell me, that this life is real.

Ive talked to total strangers on a train, and somehow, they spoke perfect english, and every single one i talked to gave me a piece of information that i keep sacred. Its odd, how I feel i need to keep those words safe.

Ive learned from those people.

Tell me, normal people dont get this oppertunity to dance on a bus to the middle of nowhere, and have the bus drivers stop just to let the people have fun.

Tell me, life keeps going after all the bad has past. After the family switches and all the confusion and sadness.

Its unreal sometimes. I say i miss everyone, and its true. But when everyone doesnt know is WHEN i miss them. I cant think of everyone all the time, but it hits me in the strangest moments and situations....

When i walk alone, in any city ive traveled to, ive seen one of you...

I know its not really you, but it hurts so much because its a moment, where I look up at the person so quickly, and i open my mouth to scream your name, my heart races, and they turn to look at me, and its not you...

This has happened to me so many times. Ive seen my mom, my dad, my best friends, and just random people in my life i see everyday, but dont think about.

It hurts to see the faces passing, it makes me feel funny to see all the people walking, ans how their faces just seem to melt together and fade away. no one knows this feeling. The feeling of missing someone so much, it hurts to look at their picture, it hurts to think about them, to hear their voices, or not even hear them at all. To dream of them, to feel them on your skin, of smell them in your clothes...

When the clock was finally empty, when the numbers had faded and began to restart, I couldnt help but to feel....happy.

I was happy for many reasons. To be with people I loved, that loved me, that cared for me, that had fun with me.

We were standing on one of the highest points in Schmelz, in the freezing cold, embracing eachother, when all of a sudden, the fireworks burst from all around. A total kaleidoscope of firey colors in the sky. It warmed my heart and made me happier than any moment ive felt in the past year. The problems melted away, and a weight was lifted off my shoulder.

Tears were shead between us three, and they were wonderful. The new year is bringing me more than a new start, its bringing me new oppertunities and a new life that i can be the creator of.

I wish everyone a happy new year and I wish you all the possibility to create your life this year and for all the oncoming years.

Shelby